for so long. He started me on birth control and Synthroid in the effort to regulate my levels but he didn't seem optimistic. Fast forward to 2007, my husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) and I found out that we were expecting and shortly thereafter, we miscarried. When the doctor gave me the news, it was as if all of the air had been sucked out of the room and suddenly, I couldn't breathe. It took a while to grieve for the loss of what I feel in my bones was a little girl and quite honestly, I'm still grieving. As it always does, life went on for us and soon we decided that we were going to start trying again but we have not been successful. We are looking more closely at adoption and how long our expenses would allow for fertility treatments. As you may have guessed, so far we have been unsuccessful.
So how does that play into my career and my practice as a doula? Well, I'll tell you! There are times when being an infertile doula stinks! You stand by and watch as women become mothers and sometimes secretly wish that you could trade places with her.
You find yourself watching women subconsciously rub their bellies, taking that moment without even realizing it, to connect with the baby growing within.
Being a doula is by far the most fulfilling thing that I have ever done and even though it tugs at my heart strings sometimes, it keeps me hopeful that it WILL be my turn one day. I find great comfort in knowing that I have made a positive impact on the women whom I have served and knowing
that even though I don't yet have a child myself, that my mothering and nurturing instincts can still be put to good use until it is my turn to experience that sacred rite of passage. It may be through the science of in vitro, the wonders of Eastern medicine, or through the outstretched arms of a
child in need of a home. It may not happen like I want it to...but being a doula keeps me hopeful. Being a doula reminds me that miracles happen every day and that I should never give up on something that is so life changing.