Men Becoming Fathers

I'm going to tell you about my favorite moment while working with a family. It might shock some of you to know that it's NOT watching my pregnant client birth her baby. WHAT!? I know, I know...just hear me out. There is a moment that always seems to smack me right in the face and grab my heart so tightly that I forget to breathe. My favorite part is watching the moment when men become fathers. More specifically, their face the moment their precious baby is born. (For the sake of simplification, I'm going to use the male pronouns to describe the partner.)

It was unbelievable! I was the first person to hold her. I didn't get that with my first child, Madison. I'm in the Army and was in a different state when she was born. I'm glad that I got to feel that bond right away with Lilia. (Photo submitted by Christy G.)

I supported a family where both the client and her partner labored beautifully together. When I arrived to the hospital, the husband and I locked eyes. He smiled, nodded, and winked at me. She seemed to be doing well with his support so I settled in and watched for a while. He was comfortable supporting her; he knew the kind of support that he wanted to be, what his wife needed, and he knew that she could do it with his help. He held her and surrounded her with love and spoken softly to her whenever he felt that she needed encouragement. I was there simply as their consistency and to be a voice should they need it. He wiped her face and brushed back her hair as she labored. (You can read his story in the black capitalized writing below.)

"KIRSTIN AND I WERE A GOOD TEAM. MY WIFE AND I DIDN'T NEED HER TOO MUCH UNTIL
THE END. AS MY WIFE CONTRACTED, I DANCED WITH HER, HELD HER, AND TOLD HER HOW
MUCH I LOVED HER. I TOLD HER HOW PROUD I WAS OF HER AND HOW AMAZING SHE WAS
DOING. KIRSTIN WAS ALWAYS CLOSE BY BUT LET US HAVE THE SPACE THAT WE WANTED TO
EXPERIENCE THIS EVENT IN OUR OWN INTIMATE WAY"

I was full of so many emotions...Happiness, fear, anticipation. I had only 3 weeks left until I had to leave for Iraq, and all I knew was that I wanted to bond with his little girl before I had to leave.

So this is love...

As we progress through the labor, the husband's tend to mirror their laboring partner. If she is calm and relaxed, his face is loose and soft. If she is struggling through a contraction, his face is screwed up tight with his jaw clenched. If she is holding her breath...often, he is doing the same. I feel that in this moment, he feels vulnerable and helpless because he can't take that pain away, so he subconsciously tries to experience it with her.

"WATCHING MY WIFE GO THROUGH THAT PAIN WAS THE HARDEST THING THAT I'VE EVER HAD
TO DO IN MY LIFE. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ABLE TO "FIX" THINGS OR MAKE HER FEEL BETTER
WHEN SHE IS SAD OR SICK BUT THIS WAS DIFFERENT. I JUST WANTED TO TAKE THE PAIN
AWAY. IT DIDN'T HELP COMPLETELY BUT HAVING KIRSTIN THERE TO REMIND ME THAT THE
PAIN WAS NORMAL AND NECESSARY MADE ME FEEL BETTER."

Holy sh-t. Now what? Just kidding! Wow. Labor wasn't what I expected. It wasn't what they described in the classes. And then the end result - how lucky am I? She's beautiful.

"Hey, I know your voice! You must be my daddy!"

So the pain and discomfort continue on. The mother pushes through this incredible and awesome work while the partner supports her as best as he can. Then all at once... there is a shift. A child is born and in that same moment, a father is also born. Intense love, relief, joy and probably a healthy bit of fear rushes over. It fills him, so much so that it seems to shine out of every pore. His baby, so small and new, emerges into the world. All at once, he's seeing his heart and life before his very eyes. It's kind of hard to describe but if you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about. :-)

"THE MOMENT THAT MY SON WAS BORN...WOW...THERE IS NO WAY TO DESCRIBE THE LOVE
AND DEVOTION THAT I FELT FOR HIM AND MY WIFE IN THAT MOMENT. EVERY MOMENT THAT
HAS FOLLOWED SINCE THEN HAS BEEN FILLED WITH PURE AND FIERCE LOVE. WATCHING MY
WIFE PUSH OUR SON INTO THE WORLD WAS THE MOST INCREDIBLE THING THAT I'VE EVER
WITNESSED AND WHEN MY SON TOOK HIS FIRST BREATH, I KNEW THEN THAT GOD EXISTED."

It was like time stopped. I forgot about every problem and everything that we went through. The only thing that I knew was that this was one of the happiest moments in my world and that's the best thing in your life.

I love that first moment after a baby is born when Dad's face is awash with joy, awe and respect. I tear up every time a new father leans down to kiss his exhausted wife and drink in the beauty of his new child. When I visited them for their postpartum visit, they delighted in having me hold their new son, tell me stories about what had happened since his birth and  how happy they were. The husband told me how he wanted to shout his joy from the rooftops. He told me how proud and impressed he was with the amazing and hard work that his wife did to birth their son. I saw him again a few weeks ago and I swear he was floating ten feet off the ground, that's how in love he was.

"I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THAT WOMAN AND LITTLE BOY. I WOULD GLADLY GIVE MY LIFE
FOR THEM. HOW FUNNY THAT I WOULD LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR SOMEONE THAT I'VE ONLY
KNOWN FOR A LITTLE OVER THREE WEEKS? MY CHILD MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME...WITHOUT
HIM AND MY AMAZING WIFE, I AM NOTHING."

Becoming a father was an indescribable moment in my life. There's nothing to compare the amazing feeling I had when she was born. I felt like a family instead of a couple. She's a Daddy's girl and my entire world.

There is something so special about watching men become fathers. As they embrace their new life and hold their partner and baby close, I am reminded at how amazing this work is.
So to all you fathers, dads, papas and padres out there...You're the best!

I would like to give a HUGE thank you to all of the families that submitted photos and stories for this blog.
Jack and Christy G.                   Trish and Chris G.                         Danielle F.                                 Nicole P. and her father
Hannah F.                                 Chelsea and Jesus N.                     Amanda and Jeremiah L.       Carlos E. (story in caps)
It was my main goal to personalize this blog and I feel that with your beautiful pictures and stories, we did just that!

In the comments, tell us about your journey to parenthood! Were you a nervous father awaiting the birth of your baby? Were you an excited mother enjoying the unknown of pregnancy? Tell us, we want to know!